Time out!

Stella and I were in the living room and the cat was in the ned room. He was sharpening his claws on the carpet for the fifth time today. So I yelled at him, "Kitty, if you don't stop sharpening your claws on the carpet..." Then Stella says, "you're going to put him in time out?"

My Little Lady

Today at church I was holding Stella, she had her hand behind my head. She said that hand is playing peekaboo! It was so cute and funny. She is getting so big! She had her first trip to Thunder yesterday, it was quite cold, but fun! She was a trooper, and she wasn't scared of the fireworks, but she did seem overwhelmed.

 Grandma brought her some fresh picked strawberries today. Boy did she eat them up!! :) 

She also asked about Darcie again today. Last week she said, "Where's Darcie?" And so I told her Darcie was sick, and she couldn't stay with us anymore. She had to go live up on the moon and she wasn't sick there. She seemed anxious when I told her, she was kind of ringing her hands. So, I tried not to force any info on her. She mentions her sometime and I can tell she still thinks she is at the doctor. Today we walked to the park, our first trip without Darcie. On the way back there was a lady with a dog and when we walked away she said, "I don't have a dog." Tonight when I was rocking her, she had a stuffed dog that looks just like Darcie and she calls it Darcie. She said, "Darcie is at the doctor. You took her to the doctor Mamma." I told her, no, remember, Darcie was sick and she had to go stay on the moon now. She feels better now on the moon, but she can't stay with us anymore. She said, Oh... I said, do you miss her? She was sad and she said Yes, I cried a lot. I told her I missed her too. She said, I missed her at the park. I don't know how I held myself together. It was so sad. My poor baby deserves to grow up with her dog. I don't know what I will do, I want us both to be dog owners...It really sucks. A LOT.

Loss of a Best Friend

It has been a week since we lost our best friend. It is still so hard  for me to deal with the loss of Darcie. She was a irreplaceable companion, not only to us, but to Stella too. She was always so obedient and loving. There are so many amazing happy memories of her. She was the epitome of a pet and I am beyond heartbroken without her. I can still remember the day that I found her, which is strange because my memory usually doesn't work that way.It was May 2007, I was driving down our street, Parkway Drive, towards Poplar Level. When I got down to Dixie Ave. she darted out right in front of my car. It was a miracle I didn't hit her. I turned and followed her down and across Clarks Lane. She ended up in a parking area and there was a girl getting into her car, the dog had run up to her. So, I asked her, "Is that your dog?" It looked like the dog knew her. She said it wasn't, so I picked her up and took her back to my house. I had to call to work and tell them I would be late. Then I took her picture and made up signs saying I had found the dog. I went back out and hung them up around where I found her. She waited for me in the car. I got to the intersection where I found her and got out to hang up the sign, I left the car running. I don't know how long it took to realize, but I had locked her in the car. I freaked out and went to the house on the corner and knocked on their back door. It was a lady in her 40's who was there visiting her parents. They kindly let me use their phone and wait for AAA to come. That is where the memory of that day ends, but there were so many more to follow. I am forever grateful for her and will never forget her. I don't think the ache in my heart will ever go away either. Every time I drop a piece of food, scrape a plate into the trash, go to the park, go out in the back yard, so many things I will do and always think of her. I have a lot of guilt about Darcie because once Stella came along I did not give her enough attention. Not anywhere near what I gave her before Stella. I should have done things differently. She was always so amazing with Stella from day one, which I never doubted. She was such a sweet kind  and loving dog. I remember Valerie would always call her my shadow. When I worked at JV Rockwell I took her to work with me all the time. Everyone loved her, and she would not ever leave my side. She was my baby, and I loved her. She got sick on Saturday the 14th, when we woke up that morning she had thrown up twice on the floor next to her usually sleeping spot, the right end underneath the bed. She has puked before, and she didn't seem like she was in pain at that time. As the day went on, she would not eat anything, not even Doritos which is so unlike her. I considered taking her to the vet that day, but didn't think it was that bad. I left at 7 for the Sugarland concert, she was outside with Jeff and Stella. When I got home at midnight she was under the bed in her spot. Jeff said she was not doing good at all. I got her out from under the bed and she just wasn't acting right at all. I said I wanted to take her to Jeffereson Animal Hospital. When I got there they said their vet just went into surgery and wouldn't be out for an hour. So I took her to MVS out on Blankenbaker. I drove so fast because she was in so much pain. We finally made it and they took her to weigh her, then the vet came in by hinself and said since she was in so much pain he did a quick ultrasound and saw a large mass behind her left kidney. He didn't charge me for the ultrasound since he didn't get approval to do it. If they did a full ultrasound it would have cost $240, so they gave her pain meds and nausea medicine and I told them I would take her to the regu;lar vet Monday. We went home and I took her to bed with me and she fell asleep laying on my arm.    The next day, I decided to take her to Shively Animal Clinic because they were open on Sunday and I didn't think it should wait till Monday. It is first come first served there, so I knew we would have a long wait. The whole time we waited I held her and tried to lessen her pain. It was an excruciating 3 hours and 45 minutes before they called us back. Thankfully once they called us, the doctor was in withing minutes. We discussed what we should do considering what the other vet saw on the ultrasound. They started with an x-ray, but that didn't give us a clear answer of what it was. So, he told me it would cost almost the same amount to do exploratory surgery as it would to do the ultrasound. To me, that was a no brainer, because they could have done an ultrasound and still not been sure what it was. There are MANY things in hindsight I wish I would have done differently... So, they said leave her there and they would do blood work and give me a call. The vet called around 5 and said the bloodwork indicated she may be dehydrated and he wanted to give her fluids overnight. So, I agreed and he said she would have surgery the next morning or early afternoon (April 16th). He also said, when they went in, if it was something simple they would remove it. If it was more serious, they would call me and let me know what was going on then I would make a decision. When I left her there I did give her a kiss before he took her away. The day of surgery was a nightmare, I was literally sick to my stomach worrying all day long. They didn't call me all day, and finally at 5 I called and had to demand to speak to the vet to find out she hadn't had surgery yet. There had been other emergencies that came in and she got pushed back. He said he would call me soon, it would definitely be that day. I got the call around 6:30, I was making dinner. I was standing at the stove when he told me. It was a vascular mass, all blood. It had started leaking into her body. They could not remove it or she would bleed to death. It looked like a tumor that was on her kidney. He said if they did sew her up and she made it out of anesthesia she would only have a few hours or maybe days. I told him I had to make a decision with Jeff and call him right back. We discussed it, and it was VERY important to me that I be there with her when she passed away. But first and foremost that she not be in any more pain. The vet said he would keep her under anesthisa until I could get there. Jeff stayed home with Stella and I raced to the vet. I got there, but had to wait in the lobby for what felt like forever. Finally they brought me to a room where I cried, sobbed and waited some more. Then the vet came and said he would take me to her. She was laying on the table, and I broke down and laid my head down on her. I told her I was sorry, and after about a minute of me holding her, I told him to give her the drug. Then she was gone, and I told him I had to take her back with me. I had promised Jeff that I would. He said he would have her wrapped up for me, so I waited and sobbed some more. Then I got her body and left. I just kept saying, "My dog, my dog, my poor dog." And I kept telling her I was sorry. Then I got home and Jeff and I buried her. I think she was about 8 years old. 

Tape Fixes Everything

We took Stella to the park Sunday afternoon. She had such a good time and didn't want to leave. When we got home we were sitting on the porch. There was group of people walking down the street. Jeff said, "There's a whole family!" Stella said,.maybe that whole family wants to play with me!" They went by and she went down the stairs trying to see where they went. I told her they were gone, and asked if she needed someone to play with. She said yes, and I said, "awwww". She said, "Poor me."

Lately I have been having to repair some of her books with tape. She likes trying to help. Tonight we were eating dinner and Jeff was acting like something hurt him. She asked, "What's the matter Daddy?" He told her his elbow hurts. She said, "Don't worry Daddy I will get some tape and fix it for you!" She said it totally serious and it was so precious.